I AM STRONG
because I've been weak.
I AM FEARLESS
because I've been afraid.
I AM WISE
because I've been foolish.
I AM STRONG
because I've been weak.
I AM FEARLESS
because I've been afraid.
I AM WISE
because I've been foolish.
пятница, 31 декабря 2021
be sincere
Farewell to a year that has brought so much change and happiness to my life I didn’t know was possible.
2021, thank you for teaching me how to me gentler, kinder and lighter to myself.
Thank you for showing me how to trust my intuition and how to “follow what feels good” as opposed to “doing the right thing”.
I’m so grateful for learning how to clear space and let go of things that are no longer meant for me.
2021 has shown me how loosening my grip and releasing control can result in miracles.
I now know it’s OK not to have a plan for every step of the way. One step at a time is the new “plan”.
I also understood that I don’t have to explain myself to anyone - because I know that those with kindred minds will get it without words, and those who don’t get it, but love me, will not ask for explanations nor judge.
I’m so grateful for all the friendships, love, adventures, laughter and lessons this year has brought me.
I now know that we don’t have to be one thing, and I’ve learnt to appreciate the ALSO’s in me. I can consult clients in Fintech, and ALSO run meditation and self-development workshops, and ALSO go on full body detox programs in the jungle, and ALSO enjoy 9-course-tasting menu’s in Michelin star restaurants. I can fuck up, and ALSO say I’m sorry. I can be harsh at times, but ALSO a great friend and a shoulder to cry on. No-one is their worst moment, their worst thought, their worst behaviour. We all have ALSO’s in us.
I’ve also learnt that nothing lasts forever - not the darkest hours, nor the highest highs. If darkness comes, it’s ok, it shall pass. And if it’s happiness - we must enjoy every second, and be grateful for it, as it won’t last forever either. The frequency of life.
2021, thanks for showing me that life is just a series of choices. I now know that whatever we are not changing, we are consciously choosing. If you want different, you have to move different.
2021, thank you, I needed you and I’m excited about what’s coming next.
2021, thank you for teaching me how to me gentler, kinder and lighter to myself.
Thank you for showing me how to trust my intuition and how to “follow what feels good” as opposed to “doing the right thing”.
I’m so grateful for learning how to clear space and let go of things that are no longer meant for me.
2021 has shown me how loosening my grip and releasing control can result in miracles.
I now know it’s OK not to have a plan for every step of the way. One step at a time is the new “plan”.
I also understood that I don’t have to explain myself to anyone - because I know that those with kindred minds will get it without words, and those who don’t get it, but love me, will not ask for explanations nor judge.
I’m so grateful for all the friendships, love, adventures, laughter and lessons this year has brought me.
I now know that we don’t have to be one thing, and I’ve learnt to appreciate the ALSO’s in me. I can consult clients in Fintech, and ALSO run meditation and self-development workshops, and ALSO go on full body detox programs in the jungle, and ALSO enjoy 9-course-tasting menu’s in Michelin star restaurants. I can fuck up, and ALSO say I’m sorry. I can be harsh at times, but ALSO a great friend and a shoulder to cry on. No-one is their worst moment, their worst thought, their worst behaviour. We all have ALSO’s in us.
I’ve also learnt that nothing lasts forever - not the darkest hours, nor the highest highs. If darkness comes, it’s ok, it shall pass. And if it’s happiness - we must enjoy every second, and be grateful for it, as it won’t last forever either. The frequency of life.
2021, thanks for showing me that life is just a series of choices. I now know that whatever we are not changing, we are consciously choosing. If you want different, you have to move different.
2021, thank you, I needed you and I’m excited about what’s coming next.
среда, 03 ноября 2021
be sincere
Хотела просто отметить, как я рада, что с 15ти лет я почему-то решила, что мои очень странные мысли надо записывать, и теперь я могу перечитывать кучу версий себя.
Мне сейчас 33. Я в 18 уехала из Латвии, училась в Лондоне, в Голландии, потом вернулась в Лондон, получила работу и в 21 встретила своего будущего бывшего мужа. До 28ми лет у меня все шло по расписанию - работа, отношения, другая работа, деньги, купили квартиру, затем дом, еще круче работа, постоянные самолёты, командировки, путешествия, а потом переломный момент - развод.
И сейчас, конечно же, я знаю, что это был подарок судьбы. В тот момент так не казалось (to say the least). Сейчас я честно отпустила не только ту историю, но и историю последующих 4ех лет, когда мне казалось, что надо всегда-всегда быть только сильной, и только вперед.
Я сейчас будто снова себя узнала. В прошлом году я перегорела - совсем, burnout is real, guys! Я так рада, что я свежала на 4 месяца в Коста Рику в начале 2020 - это было начало конца моей жизни в Лондоне. Полный переворот сознания. Лучшее, что случилось в моей жизни. Wouldn't change a second of it.
То решение не сесть в самолёт обратно в Лондон было судьбоносным. И после этого жизнь будто снова началась. Сейчас я в Испании. Завтра в Португалию.
Я гуляю по морю порой, ну или менее романтично, просто иду в майке с коротким рукавом в октябре с зелёным соком в руке и думаю: вау, и это моя жизнь? И это она так сложилась только после того, как я поняла, что мне ничего никому не надо доказывать, и что я могу просто жить, как хочу?! Просто следовать своей интуиции в каждом моменте и делать только то, что хочу? ВАУ. So easy, yet it was so hard to get here.
Overflowing with gratitude.
Мне сейчас 33. Я в 18 уехала из Латвии, училась в Лондоне, в Голландии, потом вернулась в Лондон, получила работу и в 21 встретила своего будущего бывшего мужа. До 28ми лет у меня все шло по расписанию - работа, отношения, другая работа, деньги, купили квартиру, затем дом, еще круче работа, постоянные самолёты, командировки, путешествия, а потом переломный момент - развод.
И сейчас, конечно же, я знаю, что это был подарок судьбы. В тот момент так не казалось (to say the least). Сейчас я честно отпустила не только ту историю, но и историю последующих 4ех лет, когда мне казалось, что надо всегда-всегда быть только сильной, и только вперед.
Я сейчас будто снова себя узнала. В прошлом году я перегорела - совсем, burnout is real, guys! Я так рада, что я свежала на 4 месяца в Коста Рику в начале 2020 - это было начало конца моей жизни в Лондоне. Полный переворот сознания. Лучшее, что случилось в моей жизни. Wouldn't change a second of it.
То решение не сесть в самолёт обратно в Лондон было судьбоносным. И после этого жизнь будто снова началась. Сейчас я в Испании. Завтра в Португалию.
Я гуляю по морю порой, ну или менее романтично, просто иду в майке с коротким рукавом в октябре с зелёным соком в руке и думаю: вау, и это моя жизнь? И это она так сложилась только после того, как я поняла, что мне ничего никому не надо доказывать, и что я могу просто жить, как хочу?! Просто следовать своей интуиции в каждом моменте и делать только то, что хочу? ВАУ. So easy, yet it was so hard to get here.
Overflowing with gratitude.
вторник, 07 января 2020
be sincere
I feel like this year it's going to change for the better, I really feel like I'm at the end of some kind of transformational journey, and it's all about to make sense to me.
четверг, 03 октября 2019
14:39
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вторник, 10 сентября 2019
be sincere
i keep thinking that there is more to life than being reasonably successful in corporate world and making good money for my age.
there's got to be more to life than this.
i liked it for so long, but the feeling that this isn't all there is now is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
there, i said it.
there's got to be more to life than this.
i liked it for so long, but the feeling that this isn't all there is now is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
there, i said it.
среда, 24 июля 2019
15:55
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понедельник, 15 июля 2019
18:35
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вторник, 12 февраля 2019
15:14
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вторник, 22 января 2019
20:24
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среда, 16 января 2019
be sincere
I originally posted this in 2016 with the subject line "This is how I want to feel".
Two years on my wish came true. Still not completely there, but where is "there" anyway?
It's a journey, and oh hell, it has been (still is) a crazy one!
"Do you remember the first time you had the air forcefully knocked out of your chest? Maybe it was from falling off of the monkey bars at recess, or possibly it was the head-on collision you had on the soccer field. However it happened, it was horrifying. Your body lay frozen in fear as you attempted to gulp pieces of air and fleeting energy back into your chest. Your stomach cramped up like a stone, and you thought for a moment that you might have actually forgotten how to breathe. You realized you couldn’t scream and you were left for a few seconds feeling helpless and confused.
Then, all at once, air flooded your chest again. You had to pick yourself back up after what felt like a life-ending injury, only to realize in a few minutes that it was all over. You ended up braver and more understanding. You ended up laughing with your friends on the sidelines about your spill. You were still there. You were still OK.
Heartbreak is gasping for air and not understanding why it has escaped you to begin with. Heartbreak is that feeling you had when you weren’t sure if you remembered how to breathe and how to keep yourself alive. Heartbreak is being frozen in fear that you will not be able to save yourself. The piece of this that no one seems to talk about is that the pain and confusion of those moments after you realize you’re OK.
When you first lose the person you are in love with, you like to plant a little hope in the back of your mind, like a seed just waiting to be nourished. You may even tell yourself it’s just for now, and you aren’t really going to lose them. You also aren’t yet convinced in the slightest that your lives could really be better off without each other. How could they be? You were in love. He or she was your best friend and partner. You built so many parts of your lives together. How then could those lives be better off separate? The reality is that the truth has to break you before it can heal you.
It’s not that you stop missing them all together. It’s not that you don’t ever long for the sound of their laugh. It’s not that you forget how silly and perfect they would look singing and dancing in the car. It’s not that the memories of running into their arms after time apart don’t still make you feel a familiar warmth in your soul. It’s not that you forget what it felt like to love them. It’s just that you remember what it feels like to love yourself, and to love the beauty of being alive.
Your world starts to change around you, and opportunities begin to arise in places you never considered before. The stress and sadness fades. You aren’t walking on eggshells anymore. You aren’t worried you may do something wrong, or worse, that there is something wrong with you. You don’t feel the pressure to try to save a relationship that wasn’t meant to be saved. You are overwhelmed with chances to learn and explore. You start rejoicing in your independence. You start remembering how much you adore the people in your life, and you find that time spent with them is incredible. You even start opening your heart to new people who find you charming and beautiful and want to fight for your time. You start accidentally becoming happier than you have in a long time, and it’s terrifyingly strange.
At first, you may try to resist. You try to hold on to the person life is inadvertently helping you let go of. You may try anything to grasp at pieces of them, because even you can’t believe what is happening. There comes a time though that the happiness builds confidence, and the confidence builds bravery. Then you start to let go.
You are no longer blind to reality. You see everything around you. You see the reasons your relationship had to end and the unavoidable negative impact it was having on your life. You see how you held each other back in ways you refused to see before. You see a version of yourself that you are proud of, and everyone around you sees it too. You even see the person you loved being happy as well, and working towards his or her own goals and aspirations. You want what is best for that person, and for the first time since you fell in love with them, you know it isn’t you.
As I wrote that last sentence, my eyes welled up with tears and a smile painted my face. Real love never disappears, it just changes for the better. Sometimes it takes falling out of romantic love with someone else to truly be able to fall in love with your life. We are made to love and lose. We are made to break and build. We are made to be human. We are made to live. Life is hard, and it will have to knock the wind out of you. It can even be terrifying when you get back up. However, the journey is worth every rise and fall. It is worth it to have the air knocked out of you, if you can also have moments that take your breath away.
(c) www.huffingtonpost.com/lexi-herrick/when-life-i...
Two years on my wish came true. Still not completely there, but where is "there" anyway?
It's a journey, and oh hell, it has been (still is) a crazy one!
"Do you remember the first time you had the air forcefully knocked out of your chest? Maybe it was from falling off of the monkey bars at recess, or possibly it was the head-on collision you had on the soccer field. However it happened, it was horrifying. Your body lay frozen in fear as you attempted to gulp pieces of air and fleeting energy back into your chest. Your stomach cramped up like a stone, and you thought for a moment that you might have actually forgotten how to breathe. You realized you couldn’t scream and you were left for a few seconds feeling helpless and confused.
Then, all at once, air flooded your chest again. You had to pick yourself back up after what felt like a life-ending injury, only to realize in a few minutes that it was all over. You ended up braver and more understanding. You ended up laughing with your friends on the sidelines about your spill. You were still there. You were still OK.
Heartbreak is gasping for air and not understanding why it has escaped you to begin with. Heartbreak is that feeling you had when you weren’t sure if you remembered how to breathe and how to keep yourself alive. Heartbreak is being frozen in fear that you will not be able to save yourself. The piece of this that no one seems to talk about is that the pain and confusion of those moments after you realize you’re OK.
When you first lose the person you are in love with, you like to plant a little hope in the back of your mind, like a seed just waiting to be nourished. You may even tell yourself it’s just for now, and you aren’t really going to lose them. You also aren’t yet convinced in the slightest that your lives could really be better off without each other. How could they be? You were in love. He or she was your best friend and partner. You built so many parts of your lives together. How then could those lives be better off separate? The reality is that the truth has to break you before it can heal you.
It’s not that you stop missing them all together. It’s not that you don’t ever long for the sound of their laugh. It’s not that you forget how silly and perfect they would look singing and dancing in the car. It’s not that the memories of running into their arms after time apart don’t still make you feel a familiar warmth in your soul. It’s not that you forget what it felt like to love them. It’s just that you remember what it feels like to love yourself, and to love the beauty of being alive.
Your world starts to change around you, and opportunities begin to arise in places you never considered before. The stress and sadness fades. You aren’t walking on eggshells anymore. You aren’t worried you may do something wrong, or worse, that there is something wrong with you. You don’t feel the pressure to try to save a relationship that wasn’t meant to be saved. You are overwhelmed with chances to learn and explore. You start rejoicing in your independence. You start remembering how much you adore the people in your life, and you find that time spent with them is incredible. You even start opening your heart to new people who find you charming and beautiful and want to fight for your time. You start accidentally becoming happier than you have in a long time, and it’s terrifyingly strange.
At first, you may try to resist. You try to hold on to the person life is inadvertently helping you let go of. You may try anything to grasp at pieces of them, because even you can’t believe what is happening. There comes a time though that the happiness builds confidence, and the confidence builds bravery. Then you start to let go.
You are no longer blind to reality. You see everything around you. You see the reasons your relationship had to end and the unavoidable negative impact it was having on your life. You see how you held each other back in ways you refused to see before. You see a version of yourself that you are proud of, and everyone around you sees it too. You even see the person you loved being happy as well, and working towards his or her own goals and aspirations. You want what is best for that person, and for the first time since you fell in love with them, you know it isn’t you.
As I wrote that last sentence, my eyes welled up with tears and a smile painted my face. Real love never disappears, it just changes for the better. Sometimes it takes falling out of romantic love with someone else to truly be able to fall in love with your life. We are made to love and lose. We are made to break and build. We are made to be human. We are made to live. Life is hard, and it will have to knock the wind out of you. It can even be terrifying when you get back up. However, the journey is worth every rise and fall. It is worth it to have the air knocked out of you, if you can also have moments that take your breath away.
(c) www.huffingtonpost.com/lexi-herrick/when-life-i...
пятница, 02 ноября 2018
be sincere
зима - это время, когда утонуть
хочется жутко в горячем чае,
когда от сомнений труднее заснуть,
зато легче поддаться печали.
и зимой, когда стены приелись,
серой краской за двери маня,
собери всю свою смелость
и жди меня на краю февраля.
я приду.
я приду, если хочешь.
ведь достаточно пролито слёз.
нас запомнят продрогшие ночи
под безмолвным мерцанием звёзд,
что тревожат душевный покой
мягким голосом, голосом свыше:
я спасу тебя.
я спасу тебя вновь.
я спасу тебя вновь,
слышишь?
ведь то, о чем столько сказано слов
однажды может случиться и с нами.
впусти тех, кто вернуться готов.
прости тех, кто тебя оставил.
и с тобой, понимаешь, скучать не буду
по коридорам и шумным соседям.
и вместо того, чтобы ждать здесь чуда
давай навсегда
отсюда
уедем.
Владимир Понкин
хочется жутко в горячем чае,
когда от сомнений труднее заснуть,
зато легче поддаться печали.
и зимой, когда стены приелись,
серой краской за двери маня,
собери всю свою смелость
и жди меня на краю февраля.
я приду.
я приду, если хочешь.
ведь достаточно пролито слёз.
нас запомнят продрогшие ночи
под безмолвным мерцанием звёзд,
что тревожат душевный покой
мягким голосом, голосом свыше:
я спасу тебя.
я спасу тебя вновь.
я спасу тебя вновь,
слышишь?
ведь то, о чем столько сказано слов
однажды может случиться и с нами.
впусти тех, кто вернуться готов.
прости тех, кто тебя оставил.
и с тобой, понимаешь, скучать не буду
по коридорам и шумным соседям.
и вместо того, чтобы ждать здесь чуда
давай навсегда
отсюда
уедем.
Владимир Понкин
четверг, 13 сентября 2018
15:41
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понедельник, 11 июня 2018
18:49
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четверг, 12 апреля 2018
13:58
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be sincere
you reckon?
пятница, 06 апреля 2018
16:33
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четверг, 05 апреля 2018
be sincere
читая старые записи в дневнике, есть ли у кого-нибудь ещё такое ощущение, что всё, через что вы проходите сейчас, вы уже проходили в прошлом, и видимо плохо освоили уроки прошлого, поэтому жизнь снова вам преподносит те же испытания, но в более жестокой и взрослой форме?
прям хочется копировать свои старые записи и опубликовать их как новые посты, так как через все это мы уже проходили.
прям хочется копировать свои старые записи и опубликовать их как новые посты, так как через все это мы уже проходили.
среда, 04 апреля 2018
17:49
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понедельник, 02 апреля 2018
20:16
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четверг, 11 января 2018
20:45
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